Pardon the interruption, but . . .

HOLY CRAP!!! Allow me to give my most sincere and humble apologies to all the die hard fans of The Interrobang. The past week has been full with zombie movie preparation. In fact, as we speak (though we're not speaking, but you get the idea), I am supposed to be packing so we can head up and start preparing for tomorrow and Saturday. Yes, this is me bailing out again and saying that for the next few days, there won't be anything new. I'm so so so so so sorry.

Allow me to leave you with a joke. A grasshopper walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, you know we have a drink named after you?" The grasshopper looks at him and says, "No way! You have a drink named Steve?"

Pointless day

Today has been (quite possibly) the most pointless day in history. Or, the history of me, at least. I woke up late (having stayed up 'til very late finishing the script for the zombie movie) and had to hurry to take job applications to a few places. The first place I went to gave me the line, "Well, the job opening closes in a little over a month, so I'll let you know then." Gee, thanks. That helps. Not being discouraged, I went to the second place only to find out the position was filled months ago, but they never bothered to take the job posting down.

Holding my head high, I went to work, only to find out that I was flying solo today with not much to do. You know what that means: filing . . . all day. So, after an invigorating four hours, I went home, ate some dinner, then fell asleep on the living room floor. I just woke up not too long ago and decided to bore you all with the details as to how lame my day was.

Sorry. Tomorrow's'll be better. I promise.

Fun with words

I know I just had an entry on the little idiocincrisies that the English language has, but I've discovered something. (Actually, as in most cases, this time I've just "re-realized" something . . . I discovered it quite some time ago, but it was brought to my attention today.) I think that people need to make better use of the loopholes the English language has. Two of my personal favorites are opposite prefixes and adjective/noun switchage.

Opposite Prefixes:
What I mean by this is that we have a lot of prefixes at our disposal. And more often than not, said prefixes have an opposite. This opposite, however, is rarely used. And that's quite a shame, too, because there are tons of cool (real) words just waiting to be said. Words like "subterfluous", "extrospective", "postmonition", and even "enmember" are all just itchin' to be used, but aren't. C'est la vie.

Adjective/Noun Switchage:
This is where you take a noun and figure out the adjective form of it, and visa versa. For example, how would you describe something with cowlike features? "Cowy"? Or what would you call a manifestation of something that is funny? "Funnyness"? Now, of course, those are just plain silly. However, there are quite a few that are not, such as "defectivity", "serendipitous", "frigidity", and my favorite, "plethoric".

Oh, and just so you all know, the word of the day is "dictatrix": the female version of "dictator". Sweet.

Fake blood, you rock me like the real thing

My buddy and I had quite the adventure after work. As you all know, we are soon going to be making a zombie movie (probably the best zombie movie ever). Well, as we were writing it, we realized, "What's a zombie movie without massive and gruesome amounts of fake blood?" So for the past couple of days, we've been researching how to make fake blood. What we found is that it's surprisingly easy. Some gelatin, some egg whites, a little bit of Kool-Aid, some cocoa, and water . . . boil and stir, and bada-bing-bang-boom, you got yourself bonafide fake blood.

After discovering this concoction, we decided that we needed to have some way to project said fake blood. All it takes is a little tweaking with a pressurized pesticide sprayer and some tubing, and bam: you've got yourself a squib. ("A squib is a small explosive about the size of a firecracker. It is often used in the special effects industry to simulate a bullet hit." -Wikipedia.org)

Of course, we needed a place to test our new toys, so we figured the parking lot was a good enough place. However, given the amount of foot traffic . . . well, I don't think any of our neighbors think we're normal anymore. But dude, you should've seen it. It was rad! Next time I'll get video and post it here so all y'all can partake in the goodness that is zombie movie special effects.

This is the church, this is the steeple

Does anybody else have those few certain members of their wards who, no matter how hard they try and no matter what they do, just don't get it? I decided to visit my parents' home ward today and I came to the conclusion that these kind of people fill the place. Seriously. And they're not just one type, either. Truth is, there are many groups of people who don't get it.

For example, you've got the old lady who has been around for (quite literally) forever who bares her testimony every month and who knows everyone in the ward. However, she can't always keep them straight in her head. One week, she'll ask you how BYU is, then the next time you see her, she'll ask if you're excited to finally be graduating high school. Bless her heart, she means well, but . . .

Another type of person who falls under the "not getting it" category is the Sunday school atendee who feels it is his/her personal responsiblity to make a comment after every single point is made. Completely ignoring the fact that they are not the teacher, these people will often try and lead a discussion amongst the members of the class. Said discussion more often than not has absolutely nothing to do with the topic and is most likely about the scriptural proof that caffine consumption will send you to Hell.

My favorite type of people who don't get it are the kids who range from ages 2-4. Of course, they aren't really supposed to get it, but that's kindof the best part. Every week they show up with their freshly combed hair and bowtie/Sunday dress and eat Cheerios from a Ziploc bag. I'm sure most of them are having a ball, what with the quiet books and whatnot. And they add some pretty good entertainment for those of us sitting a pew or two behind them. Thump!
"WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It's Saturday night and I 'aint got nobody

My condolences to all the avid fans of the Interrobang. I'm pretty tired right now, and probably should be getting to bed because tomorrow, being Fathers' Day and all, might be quasi-eventful. So, allow me to leave you with the last words of my grandfather which were, "the truck . . ."

Everybody's working for the weekend

That's right, boys and girls. Today the immortal words of Loverboy ring true: "Everybody's working for the weekend." After a week of long work and putting up with British crap, I am more than ready for the next couple-a days. I've actually got quite a bit to do, now that I think about it. I need to:

-see Batman Begins
-write Mama Qoza (my favorite South African Xhosa mama)
-write the creators of Sifl & Olly and ask if we can use their song "Fake Blood" in our aforementioned zombie movie
-update my online BYU resume (yeah, I'm outta here Karen (the boss (who, let's not forget, is British)))
-wish my dad a happy Fathers' Day
-gloat to my friends that I have a ticket to Bruce Campbell book signing, not them

Oh yeah, it's gonna be sweet.

Sorry

Sorry. Writing zombie movie. Can't talk now.

Word to your mother

I was all ready to give a huge rant about my boss (who is British (yes, I know I mentioned that before; I just felt it needed to be reiterated)) and how there's a difference between constructive criticism and condescension. However, I know that doing so would just get me more upset and cause me to say things that, well, I would mean. So, in lieu of said rant, here are some of my favorite words in the English language and their definitions (provided by various online dictionaries):

-"supraliminal": adj. existing above the threshold of consciousness
-"heretofore": adj. up to this time
-"extemporaneously": adv. carefully prepared but delivered without notes or text
-"religiosity": n. excessive or affected piety
-"rascality": n. the character or actions of a rascal; knavery
-"pedagoguery": n. a pedagogic establishment; the occupation of a pedagogue
-"vilify": v. to utter slanderous and abusive statements against
-"blitzkrieg": n. war conducted with great speed and force
-"demagoguery": n. impassioned appeals to the prejudices and emotions of the populace

And of course,
-"bastardize": v. to modify especially by introducing discordant or disparate elements

Tired

This is something that perplexes me: when I get 3 hours of sleep a night, I'm tired. When I get 5 hours of sleep a night, I'm tired. When I get 8 hours of sleep a night, I'm tired. And even when I get 10 hours of sleep a night, I'm still tired. I don't get it. I can't remember the last night I had where I went to bed and woke up the next morning feeling 100% refreshed. It's almost as if I've been perpetually hammered for the past 6 years. (No, not that type of hammered.) I guess it's not as bad as when I was in South Africa: there, every single day felt like it was just a continuation of the last. For 2 years, I experienced the longest day of my life. It's getting better now . . . except for some reason today feels like Friday.

That's it: I'm taking the rest of the week off.

How many licks . . .

"Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" "Well, let's see: one, two, three. Three." This words echo from my childhood. Tootsie Pops, Rolls, and really all Tootsie products for that matter, have a place in my heart. That's why I can recall not only that commercial, but also the little jingle, "Whatever it is I think I see becomes a Tootsie Roll to me!"

Sweet. Chewy. Chocolatey. Quite possibly one of the best candy-lines ever. Though they all (with one exception) have a certain goodness to them, within said Tootsie line is a heirarchy of bestness. Here's my take on the subject:

-Tootsie Pops- Raspberry are definitely the best. Hands down. Their flavor is not too strong, but sweet enough to tackle your sweet-tooth. The chocolate ones . . . not so much. With a chocolately Tootsie Roll center, one is running the risk of too much chocolate intake. And at the bottom of the list is orange. Now, objectively, there is nothing wrong with orange. However, for some reason, I always associate bad memories of my childhood with orange Tootsie Pops, so they're on the bottom of my list.

-Tootsie Rolls- I'm gonna have to go old school and say that the original chocolate ones are on the top of this list. But that's kindof a given. As far as the flavored ones go, I'm going to have to nominate the green (lime) ones. Now, most people (including myself) say that the green ones taste like dishwashing soap. Granted, I've never actually tasted dishwashing soap, but I think it kindof goes along the same lines of the phrase, "This tastes like crap." (Honestly, who has ever eaten crap?) Despite their dishwashing soapacity, the green ones top my list. Blue (vanilla), on the other hand, are at the very, very, very bottom. They're the aforementioned exception. Sorry blue, but you're gross.

Some of you may be thinking, "What kind of man rates candy?" The truth is, you've all done it. You all have your favorites. You just don't post them in public view. And whilst we're on the subject of "Opinions people have in private that they never, ever show publicly", think about this (well, guys at least): you all know who you think the hottest Disney chick is.

Technical difficulties

Due to somewhat unforeseen circumstances, The Interrobang has been cancelled for today. Please check back tomorrow for more exciting adventures.

Hail to the king, baby!

I just found out what could quite possibly be the best news ever: Bruce "Don't Call Me Ash" Campbell is coming to Utah for a special screening of his new movie, "Man With the Screaming Brain". Why is this the best news ever, you ask? Well, Bruce Campbell just happens to be one of the coolest people of all time. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Mr. Campbell's work, perhaps you would recognize him from some of the following roles:

-Brisco County Jr. from The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.
-Jack Stiles/Daring Dragoon from Jack of All Trades
-The Ring-announcer from Spider-man
-The Snooty Usher from Spider-man 2
-Elvis Presley from Bubba Ho-tep
-And of course, Ash from The Evil Dead 1,2,& 3 (the latter of which is most commonly known as Army of Darkness)

Needless to say, I am very, very stoked. However, if you think I'm going to let the information as to where and when he's coming go, forget it. The less people the better . . .

Kids' flicks

I've been doing some thinking lately, and have realized that though most kids' movies are sub-par, there are a few that, from an semi-adult movie-nerd point of view are really, really good. Allow me to bring a few of these to the light:

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- This is the original I'm talking here. I loved this movie as a kid. I recently bought the DVD and, not much to my surprise, I still love it. It's witty, it's got a good plot, it's dramatic . . . all in all, it's radical! And something I realized these last few times watching it: the entire movie is centered on Raphael. I could take an entire page talking about this, but just watch it again and think about it.

-The Emperor's New Groove- By far the best Disney movie. Yes, it's an animated flick to appeal to the kids. However, there is a lot of stuff in there that, I'm convinced, was specifically designed for the adult viewing audience. I mean, honestly: what kid is going to appreciate Kronk's line, "I'm kindof a hard fix. I'm a 62 long with a 31 waist." Good times.

-The Sandlot- Very well-written. Great kid actors. Funny, witty, and clever. And it's about baseball (which automatically makes it one of the best movies ever).

-The Goonies- Dear me . . . so much can be said about The Goonies. And you all (if you are true goonies) know what I'm talking about. However, something I've noticed is that if someone with goonie tendencies grew up watching the movie, they love it now. If an older person watches it, even if they have some goonie in them, they just don't get it. I guess that's why some girls who live by me think it's "just ok", whereas I have a "Goonies Never Say Die" patch on my backpack.

A vicious cycle

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid/lazy people can be. I say "stupid/lazy" because I strongly feel that those two are connected on a much deeper level than people think. Check this out.

Take a stupid person, for example. Let's call him Stu, just for humor's sake. Stu is, well, not too bright. So, Stu calls up, oh, let's say, the BYU English Composition department. Stu wants to know what classes constitute the "Advanced Writing" part of his curriculum. Even though this information is listed many times in the course catalog and the BYU and BYU English webpages, we'll give that one to Stu and tell him. "English 311, 312, 313, 314, 315, and 316." Stu contemplates this for a moment, then asks, "What about English 252?" "No, I'm sorry Stu. Just the ones we told you." "What about English 281?" "No, Stu." "What about . . . " (That was the stupid. Here's where the lazy comes in.)

After drilling it into Stu's head that only those 6 classes will count, Stu then asks if we can tell him all the available classes from each course that are still available. Wow. Rather than ask him what his last slave died of, we simply tell Stu he can find all this information online and check for himself. (That was the lazy. Back to the stupid.)

Stu asks where online he can find that information, though he has registered for classes many times in the past and should be rather familiar with Route Y. (Stupid.)

Then Stu asks if we can email him a link to that page. (Lazy.)

Stu's adventure goes on, but I'll stop there. And now, after reading this, perhaps you can agree with my original statement: "It never ceases to amaze me how stupid/lazy people can be."

A void of subjectless limbo

So here I sit, at my computer, realizing that I have nothing to write about today. And that sucks, too, because today was the day I told virtually everyone I know about my blog. What a good first impression, eh? Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize I shouldn't worry: out of everybody I told, a very small percentage will actually read this and out of those, an even smaller percentage will read it today. So, thanks to the apathy and lethargy of the ones I love, most of them will never read this drek. Sweet.

However, I cannot bend over and give in to writer's block that quickly. So, in an attempt to thwart my foe, I shall recite my absolute favorite quote on the subject by Sir Winston Churchill:

"Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress; then it becomes a master; then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the moster and fling him to the public."

Winston Churchill was the man.

That's what friends are for

This is for my friend Ernie:

"Do not worry, Petrie. Many things cannot fly. Rocks . . . sticks . . . twigs . . . Spike."
"Buck up, little camper. We'll beat this mountain together!"
And of course,
"Double-ply quilted . . . "

Ode

They're crispy, they're crunchy,
They're tender and they're flaky,
And when I consume them,
I know it's not mistakey.
They are so good, they are so great,
They make me feel so grand.
They are, by far, the best-est things
Ever to grace this land.
I love them so with all my heart,
From my feet to my eye sockets,
And so I wrote this little poem
To my true love:
HOT POCKETS

Planes, trains, and automobiles

After doing some recon for my eminent trip to Florida in July, I am thoroughly confused. Here's why:

According to United Airlines, it costs more or less $375 to fly round-trip between Salt Lake and Orlando. I'm not quite sure how many cities it goes through, but it says it'll be about a 14 hour flight (total both ways). Keep those statistics in mind.

Now, according to Amtrak, that same trip (round trip) will cost $700 and take 138 hours, which is nigh-on 6 days.

So basically that means that for 325 extra dollars and 5 extra days, one can take a (statistically more dangerous, might I add) sojurn in a box car to Florida and back. That, in and of itself is fine . . . different strokes for different folks. However, why would anybody use the train to travel anywhere? Inter-city travel I can understand. But long distances? Why pay more money to take more time to get somewhere and take more of a risk while you're doing so? I never cease to be amazed at how utterly senseless and illogical the world is. Ahhh . . . c'est la vie.

One man's junk is another man's . . . junk

We had a garage sale today. By "we" I mean my family at home. Actually, by "we" I mean my parents took off for the day and left my and my brother to do the dirty work. Figures.

Not that I minded, though. Personally, I like haggling with people. It's kindof a game to see whose will is stronger: the buyer's or the seller's. Now, if the buyer would just take a moment to analyze the situation, the buyer would realize (at least, in the event of a garage sale) the seller has no use for the item and does not want it there at the end of the day. That's why it's sitting in the driveway. If people today had realized this, maybe they wouldn't've offered $10 for the 4 stoneware sunflower plates (c. 1974). Truth be told: if they would have asked, we probably would have given the plates to them.

Oh well: I guess if one group of people values 4 stoneware sunflower plates (c. 1974) at 10 bucks and another group values them at a quarter, clearly one of the groups is being had . . . I'll let you figure out which one.

Get down with the sickness

Consider this fair warning that this post will be neither long nor funny, for I am sick. And let it be known that is referring to the fact that I currently am in a state of depleted health, not one of psychological disarray. It's been going on for the past couple of days and was originally suspected to be simple hay fever. However, current symptoms would suggest otherwise.

My boss thinks it's strep. Though she may have a point, she is British and they thought they could beat us during the American Revolution. They also think blood pudding is a delicacy. And they think there is nothing homoerotic about two guys being "mates". So much for British opinion.

The perfect girl(s)

Upon watching Serendipity, I reconfirmed the following conclusion in my mind: girls in movies are better than girls in real life. (Now, of course, "better" is a subjective word and it can be argued that my conclusion is bunk; but since this is my entry, I'm just going to run with it.) Seriously, no girls in real life (at least, none I've ever met) are as fun, funny (yes, there is a difference), cool, and as non-psychologically messed-up as girls in the movies. Kindof makes me wish I was a movie guy; that way I'd at least have a chance. Granted, yes, girls in movies are fictional and yes, there are probably girls in the world that are that way that I just haven't met yet. I guess I'm just waiting for mine to come around in real life, is all.

That being said, here is my list (in no particular order) of the top 6 movie girls and qualities they have that make me wish I was a movie guy:

1) Belle, from Beauty and the Beast. Ok, she is number 1 for a reason. She is intelligent, beautiful, not afraid to be a bit scandalous (check out her low-cut gold dress), and she doesn't care if you're not the best-looking of guys.

2) Susan, from Meet Joe Black. A doctor, a gorgeous smile, a wonderful body, and once she falls for you, she'll never let you go. What more could you want?

3) Christine, from The Phantom of the Opera. Partially because she is played by Emmy Rossum (with whom I am in love), partially because she can sing like no other . . . but mainly because if you convince her you're an angel, she's yours forever (until some long-haired priss comes along).

4) Josie, from Josie and the Pussycats. A hot, young, rich, punk rocker chick? Oh yeah.

5) Sophia, from Abre los Ojos (and Vanilla Sky). She's Latin, which is hot. She's spunky, which is hotter. And she's a mime, which, though a bit strange from the outset, is way hot. And if you don't get her in real life, you can always have her in your dreams.

6) Sloan, from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. She's foxy. She's funny. She's a way good kisser (from the looks of it). She's got a rebellious side. And she's a romantic. Perfect.

Every saga has a beginning . . .

It all started out with me adamantly opposing acquiring a cell phone. I thought, Why do I need a cell phone? I don't know enough people to necessitate a phone that is with me wherever I go. Besides, all cell phones are are toys of the new generation. No thanks. As time went on, I (sadly) found that such was not the case. Actually, let me rephrase that. I still don't know enough people to necessitate a phone that is with me wherever I go. However, the luxury of having a phone book that is with me wherever I go is, well, not to be ignored. So, much to my initial convictions, 2 months ago I cracked and went to Cingular.

After that, things went back to normal. Fast forward a little bit.

When I first heard of blogs a while back, I thought, Why do I need a blog? I don't know enough people who will actually go online and read my thoughts and rantings, though humorous and witty they may be. No thanks.

That is, until my friend Ernie decided to show me her new blog and talk about how great it was/is. An hour later, The Interrobang was born.

Some may call me a sell-out. Some may call me trendy. I will neither confirm nor deny these allegations. All I will say is that it looks like my convictions have once again been dropped with reckless abandon and I now have another (completely unjustified) toy.

Except this time I don't have the excuse of it also serving as a phone book.