How many licks . . .

"Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" "Well, let's see: one, two, three. Three." This words echo from my childhood. Tootsie Pops, Rolls, and really all Tootsie products for that matter, have a place in my heart. That's why I can recall not only that commercial, but also the little jingle, "Whatever it is I think I see becomes a Tootsie Roll to me!"

Sweet. Chewy. Chocolatey. Quite possibly one of the best candy-lines ever. Though they all (with one exception) have a certain goodness to them, within said Tootsie line is a heirarchy of bestness. Here's my take on the subject:

-Tootsie Pops- Raspberry are definitely the best. Hands down. Their flavor is not too strong, but sweet enough to tackle your sweet-tooth. The chocolate ones . . . not so much. With a chocolately Tootsie Roll center, one is running the risk of too much chocolate intake. And at the bottom of the list is orange. Now, objectively, there is nothing wrong with orange. However, for some reason, I always associate bad memories of my childhood with orange Tootsie Pops, so they're on the bottom of my list.

-Tootsie Rolls- I'm gonna have to go old school and say that the original chocolate ones are on the top of this list. But that's kindof a given. As far as the flavored ones go, I'm going to have to nominate the green (lime) ones. Now, most people (including myself) say that the green ones taste like dishwashing soap. Granted, I've never actually tasted dishwashing soap, but I think it kindof goes along the same lines of the phrase, "This tastes like crap." (Honestly, who has ever eaten crap?) Despite their dishwashing soapacity, the green ones top my list. Blue (vanilla), on the other hand, are at the very, very, very bottom. They're the aforementioned exception. Sorry blue, but you're gross.

Some of you may be thinking, "What kind of man rates candy?" The truth is, you've all done it. You all have your favorites. You just don't post them in public view. And whilst we're on the subject of "Opinions people have in private that they never, ever show publicly", think about this (well, guys at least): you all know who you think the hottest Disney chick is.